No words can express the amount of love I have for this road. Words can’t express the amount of memories I have shared with my best friend. Many were the times when we walked back and forth that road, talking about many topics, wishing we could stop time, wishing it could never end. And then, we would be watching the sun set as our conversations became imminent to an end. Our conversations echoed around the village, the trees whispering each other our words, all of that as I said: “Watte sawtek, sem3o ljame3a l2ossa killa.”
I remember back then, when I was 8 and you were 6, when I were taking you to your house, and we saw a small, black snake in that street. I remember how much we were scared. I remembered you said: “Yee halla2 ma fiyye erja3 3al beit, 7a dallene hon tool 7ayeti.” And I answer: “Ya reyt, a7la she…” I remember we were so innocent, I remember we didn’t know much about the world or real live and its problems, I remember we were kids.
I remember talking to you and Dodo about “that word” (I’m sure you know what I’m talking about) around that place. I remember when that other girl shared a stupid, unreal story about a man named sexy who died in front of the president. I remember we believed that lie, I wonder what is with that girl today? I remember we were growing up, we believed anything our friends told us.
I remember learning who is trustworthy and who isn’t in that street. I remember that is what tore our friendship with Dodo apart (not to mention her parents). I remember how we became close back then, the perfect time to find the perfect friend, and it was you.
I remember that as our friendship flourished, we spent more time in that street. I remember when I was in 8th grade, around spring, I told you: “I think I’m a little gay, but just a little… Anyways what were we talking about?” I remember your reaction, I remember your face: open mouth, wide eyes, a mix of shock and disbelief. I remember we brushed it off, and forgot about that, until the summer of 2011.
I remember that in the 4th of July, we met in that road, I told you I had to speak to you about something. I remember telling you: “Remember we said whatever happens we’re still friends? Well I’m gay, and I hope it won’t affect our relationship.” I remember you were shocked, I didn’t know it would be so hard for you, I was ignorant about the topic, I wasn’t raised in this country! I thought it wasn’t going to affect anything between us, I didn’t know it would be so hard for you. I remember we the rest of the day on the rooftop of your house, speaking about homosexuality, Lebanon, Venezuela, and the mix of the three. We watched the sunset together as we walked towards home, hours before I traveled for the summer.
I remember coming back, I had so much to tell you, I thought it wasn’t an issue anymore, I didn’t know it was going to be this hard for you. I remember a week after, you were standing there, beside the road, crying, begging for forgiveness. I was shocked, I thought you said you were ok with my homosexuality, I didn’t know it would be this hard for you. Our first fight! I remember we made up with each other, but it wasn’t the same for me. I remember I started avoiding you for months. I was a fool, the bitter memory makes me feel bad about myself. I hate myself for making you cry, you don’t deserve to cry! It’s all because I didn’t know it would be this hard for you.
I remember we started working on your acceptance of the issue. I remember struggling with myself, holding my tongue, not to tell you about my feelings. Sometimes I couldn’t hold it, sometimes I made you feel uncomfortable. It was then when the once sweet sunsets by the road became sour. I remember crying at night, wishing I could be “normal”, wishing you were “normal”, wishing we could have a “normal” friendship like everyone else did, I just wanted to make you feel happy and comfortable. I remember I began understanding how hard was it for you to accept the issue. I decided to finally talk to you about it.
I remember talking to you, settling things out. I remember you saying how much you wanted to be ok with it, and I didn’t blame you for that. I remember things began to become better. I remember that as each day passed, our friendship slowly became the same. Summer became closer everyday as our friendship slowly bloomed after the storm. I remember our summer promise we made on our “coming out anniversary” I remember you told me how you wanted to be 100% ok with homosexuality and that you’ll do your best, those words meant more than heaven to me. I remember the water fight we had. I remember the incident that happened that led to a fight far more dangerous than a water fight. I remember just mere hours before I left, a fight happened, all because of a drunk man’s words! I remember holding you while you were crying. I remember telling you it was all going to be ok. I remember calling for someone to get you water. I remember how sad you became afterwards. I remember our sad and short farewell by the taree2 l jdeede.
I remember returning back, things far more different than last year, for the better. I remember how you told me you were becoming more ok with the issue, day by day not becoming an issue anymore. I remember starting school. I remember I reluctantly told you about my crush. I remembered you said from now on you were gonna be the one asking about my crushes and caring more. I remember you were there when my dad told me about the Dubai thing. I remember how he secretly told you to convince me to go. I remember you didn’t say anything, we just walked by the road, you knew inside all along about it.
And now, we don’t act like it’s an issue anymore, it somehow became a common thing, becoming more normal as time passes. Now I’m writing this, with tears in my eyes. Not only of the great memories, but also for what I made you go through, for what we went through together, for what you’re going through now. I just want you to know that I opened my heart up to this post, this post that is part of our great, sweet, wonderful friendship and that’s why it means a lot to me.
My best friend, with tears of joy in my eyes I want to tell you that I love you so much. You’re the reason why I have lived a great, wonderful life. You are the reason why I am happy. You are the reason why I hang on. You are the reason why I love taree2 l jdeede. You are what makes it special. You are why I miss it and want to go there so badly…
To my best friend, I love you…