Finding out your sexuality is no easy task. It is a huge mess and mix of emotions and feelings. It is a burden you carry everyday, the burden of an unanswered question. For some (lucky) people, they knew their sexuality all along, but some others it’s a messed up journey. A messed up journey I will describe, using colors!
Yellow is a daring color in my opinion. It describes the first same-sex crush. It describes the rebellious feeling burning inside us. Yellow is telling us that there’s a small percentage of homosexuality.
In my opinion, green is our confusion. It’s is the unease inside us. It is the many moments proving to ourselves that we are like the rest, that we are “normal”. Green is our state of sadness mixed with the failed chances of trying to change.
Red, oh red. It is our alarm. It is the anger. It’s the so many “why me’s” and “I can’t take this anymore’s”. Red is the venom that kills us day by day inside. It’s the “what if’s” that torture us daily. Red is the start of our long struggle.
Blue is the first sign of stability. It’s the first sign of relief. It’s when we think of stability and slowly come into terms with our sexuality. The signs of blue might indicate having appropriate feelings towards ourselves. It’s after blue when we decide what to be next.
Finally (and hopefully), the rainbow. It is the bittersweet victory we win. It is the true acceptance. It is the signs of breaking the sadness and accepting ourselves. The “why me’s” turn into “yay me’s”. But not everyone reaches a rainbow. There are many that fall into the dull world of self hating , the world where everything becomes dark and ugly. The world where happiness doesn’t exist. A world of self lying and despising. A world I went through and no body deserves to go through.
So if you think you’re about to fall into this abyss of self hating, don’t hesitate to speak to me.