Inside The Mind of The Quiet: Bullying

Bullying has been one of the fundamental things of my life. It gas became a common daily happening. Ever since I started first grade I started to see the true bitterness of school and even to life. I wasn’t the normal type of kid, I liked to play with both boys and girls instead of just limiting myself to kids of the same gender as the rest did. And as time passed by I remained the same uncommon person, though one thing has changed, the people around me. I started to prefer the company of women rather than that of men for they weren’t as tolerant and open minded as women. And with time, the people started to notice my “flaws” that prevented me from mixing with the crowd. My soft, low voice started to contrast in comparison to the rough, masculine voice of my fellow males. My awkward hand moves I use to add emphasis to the subject were mistaken by feminine “limp wrists”, and from then things began to worsen. I was started to get called names, gossips and rumors were spread in school, and one thing led to another until I was known as the “fag” of the school. At first, I was negatively affected, I was already the joke of the class due to my broken Arabic and terrible English accent. But I decided to ignore it all, holding back the sadness and anger. Day after day people started to forget my existence, for I decided to blend in with the mainstream and go with the flow. I started to watch my talking and walking, befriended “cool” guys; but all in vain, I failed to escape the black abyss of being called names and being made fun of. Things slowly changed to the better as I grew older and gained more experience.
Today, the bullying is far greater than before. What were mere names became actions and sharper words. Pictures of me were hung in the bathroom, mean things were written, rumors spread, words spoken, and my reaction was the same. I ignored. Sometimes I tried yelling and answering back, but that just made things worse. So I ignored, I drank their poison, sadness growing inside me. I was still affected, sometimes a lot, sometimes barely caring. But this week, I have been enlightened. I stopped caring about people’s thoughts and opinions. The small ember fueled by the mean words lighted up my mind. My epithetical ideology of “not caring about what people said since whatever thing I do will get me both haters and supporters” was fueled by this flame, and I’m truly satisfied with myself. Now, I proudly go out and hang out with whomever I want, not worrying about how many guys are gonna be there so I don’t look like a fool, for I do not care anymore. I am a brand new person now, changed for the better.


6 thoughts on “Inside The Mind of The Quiet: Bullying

  1. I never experienced bullying before, i don’t know how you felt or how you responded, how you look like, how you talk or who you are, but i know one thing…..those people are mere assholes who should look for something to do other than discriminating someone who is just being himself. people in this country need to have the right to indifference.

    • Hey, how are you?
      Consider yourself both lucky and unlucky. Although bullying is a bad thing, it made me stronger. It shaped me and prepared me for life. And believe it or not bullying happens everywhere, not only Lebanon; but I agree with you, we should change. As for the people, I don’t care about them, I don’t talk to them, I don’t do them good or bad, I don’t bring myself down to their level.

    • Hey again 🙂
      So I read the obviously witchy comment. So you’re saying that in order to get rid of the culprit you fight fire with fire? Well I tried. I tried being the sad victim of a vicious monster, people started thinking I’m a sissy and sided with the bully. I tried spreading rumors, but they knew they were lies since I am the obviously sad victim it is most probably I’m lying to bring him down.
      My point: when you try to bring someone down instead of building on yourself it just shows how weak you are and how much you care. However I have to agree with you, we can take advantage of that “pig” inside us.
      Thanks for the advice though 🙂

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