Oh Auntie I’ve missed you so much. Are you better now?
I say. She seems very surprised, she didn’t see this coming. Keeping the same facial expression she says:
Good morning Amir.
Oh I shouldn’t have reacted like that. I guess all I just needed was a hug. After we awkwardly finish our food, I set off to go to Ramzi’s house. I’m not really sure whether I really want to go there. The more I go the more I would dream about those deep hazel eyes that tantalize and tease me even in my dreams. I do not want to make this awkward for both of us. Plus, I’m sure he would react the same, if not worse, than my parents. My thoughts are scared away by those honey colored eyes I dream about.
Ramzi yells, jumping from a nearby bush, trying to scare me. He did a good job indeed, because I jump up and startle him too.
Hey there, you really scared me!
We both laugh for a moment, but then I remember him telling me how he has a girlfriend, so I just become the quietest I’ve ever been. He notices my silence and my sadness, so he decides to reduce the joking. I should really get him off my mind. He is straight and has a wonderful girlfriend. I mean, come on, even if he were gay I would be way off his league. He’s tall and muscular, I’m just average, some people even call me short. He’s red headed with light colored eyes while I’m just the normal brown haired guy with normal dull eyes. His voice, that sensual deep voice of his drives me crazy. Well I can continue all day, it’s just not meant to be. I should try my best not to raise my hopes of being together high. We continue our way, almost quietly. This seems like a pleasant morning to have a nice promenade. We seem to reach his father’s farm, but that man is nowhere to be found. I guess it’s just Ramzi and I. It’s going to be really hard to restrain myself from doing anything stupid. I mean, he will never accept the idea of me being gay. Even my parents, the people who are supposed to support me no matter what have beaten me, called me names, kicked me out of the house and threatened to kill me if they ever see me again. I decide to sober myself from the intoxicating thoughts of Ramzi. I am reminded by the stench of dirty farms that we should get to work.
We should get to work.
I say, in a tone so serious Ramzi is dumbfounded. He expected me to be more idle and jovial now that we have no one supervising us. He hesitantly agrees and follows my suggestion. This morning we work very quietly. No laughter. No conversations. No jokes. Just awkward silence. Sometimes I would just feel him beginning to open his mouth to ask me what’s wrong, but he would just think again and remain silent. I hate being a drama queen, but this is what I have to do in order to get over him. Just get over with today, and never ever think of buying milk again. Even if I do have the money. We continue working through the awkward silence as if nothing’s wrong. I really feel bad for him, it isn’t his fault I am so attracted to his sensual looks and his beautiful and joyous personality. Yes that’s what I need, happiness. That happiness that he always provides me even when we try to be serious. I guess we were really quick this time, because we finished in half the time we did yesterday. I guess it’s because we didn’t stop every now and then to take a joke break or a conversation break.
Well, we are done now. I gotta go, bye!
I say, trying to leave this place as soon as possible.
Hey! It’s too early to leave. Come on, stay here. Let’s grab some food and have our food break down at the orchard. Please, I really need to talk to you.
He says, in such a cute tone that I cannot deny.
Okay, alright. But as soon as we’re done I leave, alright?
We’ll see about that!
He winks. He knows I won’t leave afterwards. He knows I’m going to stay with him and continue conversing until it’s sunset and he walks me back home. It’s so awesome, even to the point of weird, of how we got to know each other in just a couple of days. I say the conversation breaks were enough. I start to feel a little different. I feel alright now. I guess that I could let this time go, then again, it’s the last time. With one single joke of his I go back to my old self. I accompany him to the kitchen where we both get food and of course, a nice conversation. We head off to the orchards and pick wild herbs on our way. He jokingly calls me an old lady because I know almost all the herbs we find. I remember borrowing a book on wild herbs in Lebanon from Auntie Layla’s big library. And from that day, my mew hobby for collecting wild herbs began. I promise Ramzi to get him the book if he stops calling me an old lady.
We’ll see about that!
He winks. Oh he knows I love it when he says that phrase and does his famous signature wink.
We’ll see about that!
I mockingly repeat using a dumb voice. We both laugh until we reach the orchards. Oh how I love that place! We pick the same tree we sat in last time and start to eat. He childishly tries to steal some of my food, which brings a smile to my face, but that smile doesn’t last long. I remember the last time we had a food break. When he told me that he has a wonderful girlfriend whom he plans on marrying. The thought of her haunts me. I want to know her name, how she looks like, how she treats him, what she does when Ramzi does one of his mischiefs that I really love. The curiosity kills me, I have to know more about her.
Ramzi, tell me about your girlfriend.
I say, I think there’s a hint of jealousy on my tone. I really don’t want that. But for now, I should start focusing on what he’s going to say. He takes a bit to digest the question and swallow his food. I really caught him off guard. After he finishes he says:
Well, Rima is very intelligent and beautiful. But she’s very serious. She cannot stand one of my jokes. She also is very demanding. She expects a lot an offers a little. Sometimes I feel she’s sly and tricky, just like a fox. It’s enough to know from the knavish tricks she plays to get what she wants. Well, I guess she’s not the best person in the world, but she comes from a good family and my parents want me to marry her. I guess nobody’s perfect, at least that’s what my parents say… Well, what about you? Tell me about your girlfriend, mister brave man.
Well she’s gorgeous and pretty and smart. She’s a great person with a big heart.
Oh, well that’s good…
He says with a very depressed look on his face. Aw, he looks so sad, I guess a bit jealous that he doesn’t have that luxury I lie about.
But we had a fight after that thing with my parents and we are over now. So tell me, do you really love Rima?
I ask, trying to keep his mind away from that perfect girlfriend that doesn’t exist. He stops to think about the question. Then he responds:
Well, I would say I love her enough to maintain an okay relationship.
A deceptive answer, I guess he’s been borrowing some of Rima’s foxiness. We stop talking and just to notice the sunset. We climb into the tree. Oh what a wonderful view! I start staring at Ramzi as he looks into the horizon. The bright sunlight delicately enhances his chiseled features. He notices me staring at him and starts doing the same. We both start looking into each other’s eyes. Those deep hazel wonders I always get lost on. I simply cannot get my eyes off his. My heart starts jumping, as if trying to fly out of my chest. I start feeling the same feeling I got when I first saw him. Those hazel eyes start draining the senses of judgment and logic and intoxicate me with it’s beauty, leaving me numb and incapable to control myself. I start losing control of my body. I close my eyes and find myself leaning in.
The next thing I see after I open my eyes are my lips pressed delicately against his.
I have just kissed Ramzi!