I watch the sunrise from his room and decide to get up to prepare him some breakfast, he is clearly not in the right conditions to cook or even be close to the kitchen. I prepare him some eggs I got from our small farm. Our farm! Darn it, Auntie Layla is going to be worried about me. I decide that after breakfast I am going to take Ramzi with me to my house and try my best to sooth him. My thoughts are interrupted by staggering thuds coming from the stairs. Ramzi must’ve woken up. I rush towards him and find that he has improved from yesterday. He still looks confused, but at least he is not yelling and crying.
Good morning Ramzi. How do you feel today? I made you some eggs.
I say. He doesn’t say a word, he just sits at the table where his plate is set. He doesn’t seem to be willing to do anything today. I proceed to sit down beside him and feed him his food as I say:
Listen Ramzi, I know you might be mad at me. I’m not saying you shouldn’t, but you’re mad at me for the wrong reasons. Worse than that you are also starting to hate yourself. Listen to me, there is nothing wrong with being gay! As soon as we’re done I’m taking you to my house so we can have a discussion about this issue, alright?
He says. This is the first word besides “Ana mish louty” that he has uttered since yesterday night. I finish feeding him his food and suggest:
Alright, now what about we get you changed so we can go, okay?
He looks into my eyes and nods. He has this helpless lost puppy look. I help him up the stairs and into his room. I search for his clothes but find nothing other than another worn out overalls. I strip him off his other overalls. Wow, his body is just perfect. I remind myself that he is not in a well state and that this is not the time to admire his body. I help him up as if he were a a big toddler. I hope he doesn’t expect me to carry him to my house. He stares at me as I comb his hair and brush his teeth and wash his hands. I help him down the stairs. He stops midway and just hugs me very tight. I hug him back as he starts sobbing. I put my forehead against his. “It’s alright, I’m here” I whisper as I wipe the tears off his face. I hug him one more time and let go off him so I can open the door and we can both go into the outside as common men who have no issues or problems. This is a very sad walk because Ramzi is at the merge of crying every step we take. After we finally reach my home, I take his hand and lead him into my room.
Auntie Layla, I’m home! Sorry I didn’t come yesterday but I was over at my friend’s.
I yell before locking the door behind me. He sits beside me in my bed and quietly listens as I try to sooth him. I tell him how everything is ok. I tell him about countries in which homosexual marriage is legal. I explain to him that there’s nothing wrong with loving someone from the same gender. Sometimes I’d feel he is lost, sometimes I’d find his eyes glimmering with hope, sometimes I would find him sobbing. But I continue explaining and soothing until it’s time for sunset. That’s when I lead him into my bedroom window, sit at the windowsill, tell him to sit across from me and watch the sunset as I say:
Listen Ramzi, I know the idea might be hard to digest, it wasn’t easy for me either. I wasn’t lucky enough to have someone soothing me and taking care of me. I tried suicide, but all in vain. I would stop and say that it can get better, and it will get better. Many were the times where I would just go out of Auntie Layla’s house and sleep out in the woods. I have no idea why or even how but I just did it because I couldn’t stand it anymore. Then I noticed how I hated seeing myself weak, so I embraced myself and just let it be. Day after day I became stronger and now the idea isn’t bad anymore. Ramzi you’ve gotta say something. You haven’t spoken a single word since morning. You know, this
I am interrupted by Ramzi putting his hand on my face, he’s been staring right into me the whole time. He proceeds to kiss me passionately until he has no single breath left inside of him. He looks right into my eyes and says:
I am shocked, I didn’t expect this to happen. I hug him and fall into his arms. He holds me tight and kissed my head. We stay like this until it’s midnight, and I remind him that I have to shower. He gets up with me, hands still around my waist, unwilling to let go.
Fine, you can come with me.
I say. He strips off his clothes and grabs my waist again. I proceed to do the same, only this time, I take time to admire his body. He looks like a Greek god that came out of a history book. His body is surely to die for. After we are both fully naked we go into the shower. The hot water running down our warm touching bodies. I cannot really wash because she is just holding me very tightly, kissing my shoulder, so I just stay with him until the water goes cold. After that, we just step out and I start drying us as Ramzi starts kissing my hand. After we a dry and I am dressed, Ramzi tucks himself into the bed, still naked and winks at me invitingly to lay beside him. I tell him to wait for me. I kiss his forehead and go down to grab a jar of water, where I find Auntie Layla, looking at me with the same usual blank look.
I heard everything…