Rosary Beads

That feeling of the plastic beads felt almost foreign to me. It has been almost 6 years since I’ve held one. For those of you who do not know me, I have long lost the hope I once piously had for religion.
And what made a person like me seek help from a rosary?
Religion, whether you follow one or not, is a great source of hope and strength. Even I, as an atheist, hail the amount of faith and wellness religion can give. Personally, I have been going through a rought time. Being in a position where you cannot take many decisions due to the fact of not knowing what will happen or even where you’re going to be in the next 9 months is extremely difficult, specially when being a senior. Depression has taken precious times off my sleep, my sleeping oattern shattered and hopeless. Philosophical questions of the meaning of life and death have left me hollowed on the inside. Trying to fill that psychological gap can be a frustrating work. It takes patience and strength to overcome a situation this complex. Usually, a talk with my best friend would solve the issue, but I feel like we’ve been drifting apart. So, I’ve been seeking refuge in many ways, some I’m not so proud of. Filling that void inside me got me into situations I always avoided before, the last one being the straw that broke the camel’s back. Emotional devastation has led me to do the unthinkable. I felt ashamed and in need of cleansing. I thought about how would I perceive myself stooping lower and lower through the eyes of my childhood self. That thought depressed me even more. Fortunatelly, a loving childhood friend randomly messaged me, and before I knew it I was cheering up slowly. She miraculously appeared as my guiding guardian angel that got my spirits up. She made me open my eyes towards a brighter future; so instead of thinking what would my child self think of me, I thought instead of what would my child self do in such situation. My thoughts drifted to the rosary that has been accumulating dust in the drawer. That old plastic rosary brought back a memory of my own. When I was a lot younger and going through a hard time. I seeked council from one of the nuns at my school. She had suggested I use my rosary. I never thought I would use it again until this day.
I got myself some privacy and fingered the small plastic beads slowly. Remembering the prayers I had been taught through my elementary school years wasn’t easy at the beginning, but as I tried I got the hang of it. I felt time flow easily and the mood become better. I finally felt at peace, that lost feeling, as the each prayer cleansed my mind. For some reason, the song “Try” by Pink seemed to replay in my head as my fingers slided from bead to bead. The moon lighted my path as I closed my eyes and mumbked the prayers. When I had finished I felt a lot better. The child inside of me was proud of how I handled the situation, yet there’s going to be a lot of worl in order to fix me. But luckily I have learned that winners cry on the inside. They take life by the balls and ask “Is this all you’ve got?”
Wouldn’t say it wouldn’t do this again, but it’s gonna need some time…
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One thought on “Rosary Beads

  1. Pingback: Here’s To Failed Attempts | Livin' La Vida Loca

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